[CS-FSLUG] Microsoft Now Owns Christmas

[Tim Young]

I was looking through old humor emails and thought I would resurrect this one...

Microsoft Now Owns Christmas


Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature
was stirring, except Papa's mouse.  The computer was humming, the icons were
hopping, As Papa did last-minute Internet shopping.
The stockings were hung by the modem with care In hope that St. Nicholas
would bring new software.  The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of computer games danced in their heads.
Dark Forces for Billy, and Doom II for Dan, And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela
Ann.
The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom,
Tosantaclaus at toyshop.northpole.com
Which has now been re-routed to Washington State Because Santa's workshop
has been bought by Bill Gates.  All the elves and reindeer have had to
skedaddle To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.
After centuries of a life that was simple and spare, St. Nicholas is
suddenly a new billionaire, With a shiny red Porsche in the place of his
sleigh, And a house that's near Bill's, it's just down the way.
The elves have stock options and desks with a view, Where they write
software games for Johnny and Sue.  No more dolls or tin soldiers or little
toy drums Will be under the tree, only DVD ROMS.  They have
Microsoft labels, a marketer's heaven, now that Christmas runs only on
Windows 7.
More rapid than eagles the competitors came, And Bill whistled, and shouted,
and called them by name:
"Now, ADOBE" now, CLARIS" now, INTUIT" too, Now, APPLE" and NETSCAPE" you
are all of you - through!
It is Microsoft SANTA that the kids can't resist, It's the ultimate software
with a traditional twist.  Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf, On
each package, a picture of Santa himself.  Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is
Microsoft's scheme, And a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream.
To the top of the NASDAQ" to the top of the Dow" Now dash away" dash away"
dash away - WOW!""
And Mama in her 'kerchief and I in my cap, Had just settled down for a long
winter's nap, When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, The whirr and
the hum of our satellite platter, As it turned toward that new Christmas
star in the sky, The satellite owned by the Microsoft guy.
As I sprang from my bed and was turning around, My computer turned on with a
Jingle-Bells sound.  And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates Next
to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.  And I heard them exclaim in voice
cheery and bright, Have a Microsoft Christmas, and to all a good night.