[CS-FSLUG] Humor...............

[Fred A. Miller]

      1.  There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible 
to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable 
in here?" asked the clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
     ========

     2.  "Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. 
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good  morning,

     Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, Good Lord, 
it's morning."
     ========

     3.  A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city 
because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he 
put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 
times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our 
trespasses."

     When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with 
this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket 
I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
     ========

     4.  There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to 
his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is we have 
enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still 
out there in your pockets."
     ========

     5.  While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish 
carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because 
attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy 
efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
     ========

     6.  A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, Boys and 
girls, what do we know about God?"

     A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.

     "Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.

     "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
     ========

     7.  A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before 
a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many 
cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.

     "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems 
as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.

     " The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my 
business."
     ========

     8.  People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the 
center of attention. ========

     9.  A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly,"I know 
what the Bible means!"

     His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the 
Bible means?"

     The son replied, "I do know!"

     "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"

     "That's easy, Daddy." the young boy replied excitedly, "It stands for 
'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
     ========

     10.  Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the 
lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your 
quilt."

     Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor 
stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school 
lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
     ========

     11.  The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to 
ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for 
repairs to the church building.  Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the 
regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last 
minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

     "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to 
think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

     During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, 
we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we 
expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, 
please stand up."

     At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled 
Banner."

     And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
     ________

     Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
     Give me the grace to see a joke,
     To get some humor out of life,
     And pass it on to other folk!

-- 
The only bug free software from MickySoft is still shrink-wrapped
in their warehouse..."