[OFB Cafe] Why We Love Children

[Donald R Spoon]

Why do we love children?


1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when 
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark 
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from 
the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'


2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note 
from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child 
are not necessarily those of his parents.'


3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her 
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer 
the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. 
She's hitting the bottle.'


4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's 
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with 
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in 
amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a 
little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was 
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at 
my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?'

'Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.

'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that 
right?'

'Yes, that's right,' I told her.

'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you 
please tie my shoe?'


6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the 
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, 
and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back 
there?' he asked.

'It sure is,' I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.  
Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly 
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. 
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, 
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her 
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself 
for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and 
whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw 
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that 
suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister 
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. 
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. 
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small 
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal 
of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with 
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father 
always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into 
the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just 
wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, 
and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he 
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the 
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old 
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's 
Adam's underwear !'

NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT