[CS-FSLUG] How to fight the Terrorists

Jim Isbell, W5JAI jim.isbell at gmail.com
Mon Mar 9 17:36:50 CDT 2009


*New Direction for the war on terrorists.

Send Service Vets over 60

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces think I'm too old to track down
terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the
whole thing assbackwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they
ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit
until you're at least 35.

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every2010 seconds. Old guys
only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000
additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a
dangerous soldier. My back hurts! I can't sleep; I'm tired and hungry. We
are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately
deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18 -year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always
get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and
can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some
fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put
them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and
yelled at, and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation
for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the
house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been in combat
and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor
did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the
Drill Sgt. in the New army now, Get down and give me ... ER ... on e.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never
seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to
shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't
figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back
of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more
about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last
thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed-off
old farts with attitude and automatic weapons who know that their best years
are already behind them.

If nothing else, put us on border patrol...we will have it secured the first
night!

Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so they can
read it.*

-- 
Jim Isbell
"If you are not living on the edge, well then,
you are just taking up too much space."
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