[OFB Cafe] Washington Post Neologisms

[Donald Spoon]

My  New Year's Goal is to memorize and effectively use all of these in 
my everyday conversation...

Cheers,
-Don Spoon-

>  *Subject:* *Neologisms*
>
>  Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions 
> to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply 
> alternative meanings for common words.
>
> The winners are:
>
>  1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
>
> 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
>
> 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
>
> 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
>
> 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
>
> 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly 
> answer the door in your nightgown.
>
> 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
>
> 8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
>
> 9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are 
> run over by a steamroller.
>
> 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
>
> 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
>
> 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by 
> proctologists.
>
> 13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
>
> 14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
>
> 15. Frisbeetarianism (n), (back by popular demand): The belief that, 
> when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
>
> 16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by 
> Jewish men.
>
>  
>
> *MORE, FUNNIER ONES!*
>
> The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take 
> any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or 
> changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
>
> Here are this year's winners:
>
>  
>
> 1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops 
> bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows 
> little sign of breaking down in the near future.
>
> 2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose 
> of getting laid.
>
> 3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the 
> subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
>
> 4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
>
> 5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the 
> person who doesn't get it.
>
> 6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
>
> 7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
>
> 8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
>
> 9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these 
> really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's 
> like, a serious bummer.
>
> 10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day 
> consuming only things that are good for you.
>
> 11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
>
> 12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter 
> when they come at you rapidly.
>
> 13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after 
> you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
>
> 14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into 
> your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
>
> 15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in 
> the fruit you're eating.
>
> And the pick of the literature:
>
> 16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
>
>